How to Decide Who Gets The Kids on the Holidays From a Family Attorney

As a local family attorney, many of our clients are concerned about how time with children will be shared around the holidays.  This is a common worry when couples are divorcing because there are certain days like Christmas and birthdays that are equally important to both parents and the children. When couples are no longer together, there is no choice but to share the children’s time and the reality of this is that someone will be sacrificing something.  Our goal is to make sure that the schedule is the best that it can be.

When going through a divorce, you can either work with your spouse by yourself or in mediation to come up with a parenting plan.  This plan will list out where the children will be every day of the week.  It goes into detail by saying who has them on each holiday, what year they are with each parent for certain events and it can even explain how drop off or pick up is supposed to be handled.  If you can reach a decision for these things without going to trial that is advisable since it gives you the most control.  Otherwise, the judge will decide what parenting plan to certify.

As a family attorney, our clients often ask us what is normal for custody schedules.  The reality is that there is no one size fits all schedule and yours needs to be what will work for your family.  With that in mind, the one caveat is that the judge must feel as though the plan is sustainable and will be easy enough to follow that it doesn’t lead to unnecessary future conflict.  When plans are confusing, it is more likely that parents will end up back in court. 

If you are getting divorced and need ideas for how to share holidays, here are some common schedules that we see.

Christmas Break
When parents live in different geographic areas, it is usually easier to split the Christmas break by either rotating each year or one person getting the children through Christmas, with them traveling the day after.  This is one of the easier schedules for children since having them fly on Christmas Eve or Christmas day can be considerably challenging.

Split Days
When both parents live in the same town or within two hours of each other, it is easier to split the days so that one parent has them on Christmas Eve with the other having them Christmas day.  If you live too far apart this becomes difficult for the kids since driving too far on a holiday isn’t very fun.  It is normal to see schedules like this where the parent, that has them on Christmas Eve, keeps the children for a full week before and the other parent has them for the week after.

Shared Holidays
This can be difficult, but it is possible.  If you and your ex still live in the same town or even neighborhood, it is possible for the children to spend half of the day with each of you.  Typically this only works in situations where parents are friendly and have a good relationship.  Otherwise, it will create unnecessary tension on days that are supposed to be enjoyable.

As a family attorney, we can give you additional information and advice on how to structure your parenting plan and share holidays in a way that works for everyone.