How to Decide Who Gets The Kids on the Holidays From a Family Attorney

As a local family attorney, many of our clients are concerned about how time with children will be shared around the holidays.  This is a common worry when couples are divorcing because there are certain days like Christmas and birthdays that are equally important to both parents and the children. When couples are no longer together, there is no choice but to share the children’s time and the reality of this is that someone will be sacrificing something.  Our goal is to make sure that the schedule is the best that it can be.

When going through a divorce, you can either work with your spouse by yourself or in mediation to come up with a parenting plan.  This plan will list out where the children will be every day of the week.  It goes into detail by saying who has them on each holiday, what year they are with each parent for certain events and it can even explain how drop off or pick up is supposed to be handled.  If you can reach a decision for these things without going to trial that is advisable since it gives you the most control.  Otherwise, the judge will decide what parenting plan to certify.

As a family attorney, our clients often ask us what is normal for custody schedules.  The reality is that there is no one size fits all schedule and yours needs to be what will work for your family.  With that in mind, the one caveat is that the judge must feel as though the plan is sustainable and will be easy enough to follow that it doesn’t lead to unnecessary future conflict.  When plans are confusing, it is more likely that parents will end up back in court. 

If you are getting divorced and need ideas for how to share holidays, here are some common schedules that we see.

Christmas Break
When parents live in different geographic areas, it is usually easier to split the Christmas break by either rotating each year or one person getting the children through Christmas, with them traveling the day after.  This is one of the easier schedules for children since having them fly on Christmas Eve or Christmas day can be considerably challenging.

Split Days
When both parents live in the same town or within two hours of each other, it is easier to split the days so that one parent has them on Christmas Eve with the other having them Christmas day.  If you live too far apart this becomes difficult for the kids since driving too far on a holiday isn’t very fun.  It is normal to see schedules like this where the parent, that has them on Christmas Eve, keeps the children for a full week before and the other parent has them for the week after.

Shared Holidays
This can be difficult, but it is possible.  If you and your ex still live in the same town or even neighborhood, it is possible for the children to spend half of the day with each of you.  Typically this only works in situations where parents are friendly and have a good relationship.  Otherwise, it will create unnecessary tension on days that are supposed to be enjoyable.

As a family attorney, we can give you additional information and advice on how to structure your parenting plan and share holidays in a way that works for everyone. 

What You Need to Know About Fathers Rights and Family Law

While practicing family law, we work with a lot of fathers that want to see their children but are unable to do so because of the mother.  It is important to note that just because the mother doesn’t want you in the child’s life, doesn’t mean that she has the right to make that decision.  The courts tend to believe that it is in the child’s best interest to know both parents and it is our job to build a case that demonstrates just that.

If you and the child’s mother were married, the case is easier because a judge will determine custody during the divorce proceedings.  It is presumed that you are the father if the child was conceived during the marriage, and we can fight to ensure that you can see your child (children) as much as possible.  If, however, you were not married when the child was conceived, you will have to prove that you are the father.  This is called establishing paternity, and it is done either by a DNA test or both parties agreeing and signing an acknowledgment of paternity that is then filed with a local agency or the court.  

When a mother denies that you are the father, but you believe that you are, we must petition the court to have a DNA test conducted.  Family law gives you the right to know if a child is yours and this is the best way to prove it.  If the DNA test comes back positive, we can move to the next step and petition for custody or visitation. 

There are several ways to get custody or visitation.  The easiest one is to negotiate with the mother.  As a family law attorney, we can help with this process, and if an agreement can be reached, a parenting plan can be drafted for both parties to sign.  A parenting plan is a detailed agreement that lists out where a child will be every day.  For example, who will they be with on the weekends, during school, on breaks, birthdays, etc.  A parenting plan is incredibly detailed, and when done correctly, there is no room for a gray area. This is an important tool for preventing conflict later on as a good parenting plan cannot be misinterpreted. 

If the mother does not want to negotiate or give you visitation, you will be forced to go to court.  We can petition the court to give your rights as a father.  Before doing so we will work with you to draft a parenting plan the way that you would like to see it while also gathering witnesses and evidence that demonstrate you are a responsible and upstanding citizen that would be an equally responsible father.  Things like showing that you are employed with a stable living environment will help the judge to believe the child will be safe and cared for.  Demonstrating close family support can also be helpful.  As a child custody attorney, we can walk you through the various pieces of evidence that can make your case stronger.

If you need help protecting your rights as a father, give us a call.